Saturday, July 26, 2008
Confusion and the feel of being Empty!
Realizing that something is missing from your life, is not the best feeling in the world. For a few weeks I've had this feeling of being with out something. I couldn't figure out what it was at all. My family and I have been getting along really well, my friends are better then ever, I'm becoming more involved in the Church, I have a job that I enjoy, whatever could it be?! As I was sitting in my room listening to Phantom of the Opera, curling my hair getting ready for tonight, I just completly broke down and started bawling my eyes out, as I am right now. I feel as if I could drown myself in my own tears! It didn't suprise me at all when I finally figured out what it is that's been missing. I'm really disappointed in myself though for what it is. I tell myself all the time that I can do better, it's not worth it, I'd go in the wrong direction, it should just be over. For some reason, it's stuck to me like super glue. I can't seem to find a way around it.It touched my skin like summer and left a smile on my face! My spirit began to soar! It both threatens and adores. But behind it all, it's really dark. I only wish it realized what it means to me. I feel empty when it's not apart of me! When it's not around me! Avoiding it would be the best way to get over it, I've tried it and just tore me apart. I honestly didn't think that something like this could affect you in such way, but it can take total control of everything that you do or say. I love it. Completly and fully LOVE it. Damn it- That's all I want to say.
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5 comments:
You put that so perfectly. I think I know what you're feeling. At least to some degree. I've had a similar feeling today. The difference is I had not clue what it was or how to put it into words. It's crazy how some days stuff like this will just hit so fast and so hard. It just leaves you in shock, trying to get a hold on anything.
baby. you are so amazing and you know that you can do better. we all can. just sometimes we don't want to. you become so attached to and dependent on that person that nothing can seem to fill the void. but, once you realize you can do so much better and that you are loved by your friends so much more than he could ever love you, that is the time when you will be able to say "Scott, I will always love you, but, I am no longer in love with you" and until that day baby. I am right here with your shoulder to cry on and a smile on my face! I love you!!!!!!
I'm sorry alex. we really need a sleepover huh? Oh and today in sacrament meeting I remembered that we need to go get massages! Because I can see that we both need them...
OH MY OH MY OH MYYYY!!!! Kay, you know in your post before this one, the "head is pounding"... HOLY CRAP I'm so the same way! I get these HORRIBLE headaches ALL THE TIME and then sleep ALL THE TIME... and then see Batman... and I'm all down and all... anywho, just saying, it feels like i'm sick but also depressed and it bites.
Oh, and I've been like that for like two years now... not fun.
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